This is the advice my grandfather gave to my dad before my parents were married: if you disagree, don't shoot for meeting each other halfway. Shoot for going 60% of the way toward the other person's position, and if you both do that, it's more likely you will agree on some compromise. If you each try to go halfway you may fall short of that.
My best advice to brides-to-be is don't sweat the small stuff when it comes to the zillion wedding details! Beginning the marriage is important but you don't need to have a perfect wedding day to have a good marriage. Chances are no one will notice if there is some minor glitch with the flowers or music or table settings or whatever, but everyone will notice if the bride freaks out over something trivial.
I lost my husband 3 years ago after 20 glorious years of marriage. My advice is to say thank you ... a lot! Appreciate each other's help with the workload of life. Hearing the words "thank you" keeps resentment from brewing during those times one of you only gives 40%.
And laugh!!! A lot!!! Rejoice in silliness and don't take yourselves to seriously.
Finally ... make couple friendships a priority. Have a couple that you go out for pizza with. Join a co-ed volleyball team. Your marriage will be more interesting and fun for it.
Married 55 years, my wife deceased six years ago. Not sure if 60% is a good rule - it was challenged to agree 50%. Worked best seeking 100% for each person. Most issues soon faded into memory.
Never argue in pubic or in the presence of family or children. We didn't always follow this rule. When hearing a bold statement or a request that sounds a "demand" - consider responding - "You could be right" or "I'll think about it and we talk later." Life happens! Don't go to bed anger.
Going to the chapel and we're gonna get married
This is the advice my grandfather gave to my dad before my parents were married: if you disagree, don't shoot for meeting each other halfway. Shoot for going 60% of the way toward the other person's position, and if you both do that, it's more likely you will agree on some compromise. If you each try to go halfway you may fall short of that.
My best advice to brides-to-be is don't sweat the small stuff when it comes to the zillion wedding details! Beginning the marriage is important but you don't need to have a perfect wedding day to have a good marriage. Chances are no one will notice if there is some minor glitch with the flowers or music or table settings or whatever, but everyone will notice if the bride freaks out over something trivial.
I lost my husband 3 years ago after 20 glorious years of marriage. My advice is to say thank you ... a lot! Appreciate each other's help with the workload of life. Hearing the words "thank you" keeps resentment from brewing during those times one of you only gives 40%.
And laugh!!! A lot!!! Rejoice in silliness and don't take yourselves to seriously.
Finally ... make couple friendships a priority. Have a couple that you go out for pizza with. Join a co-ed volleyball team. Your marriage will be more interesting and fun for it.
Married 55 years, my wife deceased six years ago. Not sure if 60% is a good rule - it was challenged to agree 50%. Worked best seeking 100% for each person. Most issues soon faded into memory.
Never argue in pubic or in the presence of family or children. We didn't always follow this rule. When hearing a bold statement or a request that sounds a "demand" - consider responding - "You could be right" or "I'll think about it and we talk later." Life happens! Don't go to bed anger.
My SiL gave me the advice to be Present on my wedding day, so stay grounded and aware. Hear deeply. See fully into the eyes of others.