This is the advice my grandfather gave to my dad before my parents were married: if you disagree, don't shoot for meeting each other halfway. Shoot for going 60% of the way toward the other person's position, and if you both do that, it's more likely you will agree on some compromise. If you each try to go halfway you may fall short of that.
My best advice to brides-to-be is don't sweat the small stuff when it comes to the zillion wedding details! Beginning the marriage is important but you don't need to have a perfect wedding day to have a good marriage. Chances are no one will notice if there is some minor glitch with the flowers or music or table settings or whatever, but everyone will notice if the bride freaks out over something trivial.
I really like that 60% rule! We always try to be really careful of one another's feelings whenever we're in a tense moment, so I think that's another good way to always consider what the other person is feeling and where they're coming from.
I'm so so so glad I'm not a high maintenance person. I am just so excited to have so many people we love celebrating with us, and that's the only thing I care about.
I lost my husband 3 years ago after 20 glorious years of marriage. My advice is to say thank you ... a lot! Appreciate each other's help with the workload of life. Hearing the words "thank you" keeps resentment from brewing during those times one of you only gives 40%.
And laugh!!! A lot!!! Rejoice in silliness and don't take yourselves to seriously.
Finally ... make couple friendships a priority. Have a couple that you go out for pizza with. Join a co-ed volleyball team. Your marriage will be more interesting and fun for it.
I am so sorry for your loss. I deeply appreciate this comment, especially as we do a lot of this already. We're very appreciative of one another and never stop laughing. This is such a nice reminder to prioritize this as we continue our lives.
That's such a good point about the couple friends. We love our time with other couples and gives us nice opportunities to still hang out with each other but also with even more personalities and perspectives.
Married 55 years, my wife deceased six years ago. Not sure if 60% is a good rule - it was challenged to agree 50%. Worked best seeking 100% for each person. Most issues soon faded into memory.
Never argue in pubic or in the presence of family or children. We didn't always follow this rule. When hearing a bold statement or a request that sounds a "demand" - consider responding - "You could be right" or "I'll think about it and we talk later." Life happens! Don't go to bed anger.
I appreciate this, Phil! I always try to make it a point to never speak from immediate anger. Take lots of deep breaths and think about what I'm going to say and how it's going to land.
I've heard this advice a lot so it's definitely been in the back of my mind as we get closer to the wedding day. We'll have a moment to sneak away and I'm so excited to take that time to just revel in the fact that we're married.
This is the advice my grandfather gave to my dad before my parents were married: if you disagree, don't shoot for meeting each other halfway. Shoot for going 60% of the way toward the other person's position, and if you both do that, it's more likely you will agree on some compromise. If you each try to go halfway you may fall short of that.
My best advice to brides-to-be is don't sweat the small stuff when it comes to the zillion wedding details! Beginning the marriage is important but you don't need to have a perfect wedding day to have a good marriage. Chances are no one will notice if there is some minor glitch with the flowers or music or table settings or whatever, but everyone will notice if the bride freaks out over something trivial.
I really like that 60% rule! We always try to be really careful of one another's feelings whenever we're in a tense moment, so I think that's another good way to always consider what the other person is feeling and where they're coming from.
I'm so so so glad I'm not a high maintenance person. I am just so excited to have so many people we love celebrating with us, and that's the only thing I care about.
I lost my husband 3 years ago after 20 glorious years of marriage. My advice is to say thank you ... a lot! Appreciate each other's help with the workload of life. Hearing the words "thank you" keeps resentment from brewing during those times one of you only gives 40%.
And laugh!!! A lot!!! Rejoice in silliness and don't take yourselves to seriously.
Finally ... make couple friendships a priority. Have a couple that you go out for pizza with. Join a co-ed volleyball team. Your marriage will be more interesting and fun for it.
I am so sorry for your loss. I deeply appreciate this comment, especially as we do a lot of this already. We're very appreciative of one another and never stop laughing. This is such a nice reminder to prioritize this as we continue our lives.
That's such a good point about the couple friends. We love our time with other couples and gives us nice opportunities to still hang out with each other but also with even more personalities and perspectives.
Married 55 years, my wife deceased six years ago. Not sure if 60% is a good rule - it was challenged to agree 50%. Worked best seeking 100% for each person. Most issues soon faded into memory.
Never argue in pubic or in the presence of family or children. We didn't always follow this rule. When hearing a bold statement or a request that sounds a "demand" - consider responding - "You could be right" or "I'll think about it and we talk later." Life happens! Don't go to bed anger.
I appreciate this, Phil! I always try to make it a point to never speak from immediate anger. Take lots of deep breaths and think about what I'm going to say and how it's going to land.
My SiL gave me the advice to be Present on my wedding day, so stay grounded and aware. Hear deeply. See fully into the eyes of others.
I've heard this advice a lot so it's definitely been in the back of my mind as we get closer to the wedding day. We'll have a moment to sneak away and I'm so excited to take that time to just revel in the fact that we're married.